Me: So I’ve started using “hair tonic,” and I’m noticing the development of my incipient “Reagan Neck” more and more every day. I should find out if they still make Geritol. Or at least start taking Centrum Silver.
Dan: Do you really worry about it?
Me: My Reagan Neck? Well, I don’t worry about it, but I do find it distressing.
Dan: Not your neck vagina, just getting older in general and planning for retirement.
Me: I have a retirement plan: I’ll have a heart attack and die alone. More specifically, I’ll have a heart attack at the top of the stairs at home, fall down the stairs and break my neck, and lie in a crumpled heap at the bottom of them, paralyzed and slowly dying over the course of days, and it will take a week before anyone notices.
Dan: At least you have a plan.
Me: Oh, you have to these days.
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